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Congratulations. For the first time in this disastrous chain of misfortune I call your 'employment' there's actually been success.
The past few weeks you have been especially victorious and I feel compelled to motivate this kind of behavior.

I've prepared a dinner party for all of you in a fancy restaurant I regularly enjoy called "L'Appétit", though I highly doubt the likes of you ever go there. Since this will be the first time you're going to an actual grown-up event I'll inform you of the etiquette that's involved:

Don't take weaponry with you, don't yell, don't murder, don't talk about your job and I better not see your military-cut scalp.

Provided you don't develop hair as impossibly fast as my dog seems to that means you'll have to get fancy headgear before you join us. See to it that you do. Don't disappoint me.

The Administrator

Listen up ladies! As if our failure streak isn't bad enough already, a little birdy told me that those dress-wearing RED pansies are being rewarded for their obvious cheating! Not surprisingly they're playing dress-up with hats for a nancy pantsy tea-party in le Apetit!

How about we rough up their tea-time a little? Have our own kind of party, BLU style! Get your nastiest, most brutal weapon of choice and meet me at the back of this French-named circus!

If you're too much of a pansy for close-quarter combat you should just stay home and read your girl magazines.

The Soldier

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